What a Saab Story

Take a look at this press release from our friends at Saab:

Convinced of the jet-like performance and endurance of its products, Saab Automobile USA is announcing that it will offer a free new Saab to any U.S. customer who covers the distance of one million miles (or more) in a Saab that he or she originally purchased new.

Do you realize what Saab is admitting to here? They're admitting to the fact that their reliability/longevity is so limited that it is safe proposition to replace any of their cars with a million miles on it.

Is this some sort of reverse psychology? This is like McDonalds offering a million bucks to anyone able to truthfully say (as judged by polygraph) that the best meal they've ever eaten in their life was under a pair of golden arches.

Smells like Spaghetti--NOT TEEN SPIRIT

+ = BAD, BAD, BAD!!!


I never really understood the song Smells like Teen Spirit. I guess the real tragedy of that guy's suicide is that we'll never know what that song was supposed to mean.

Anyway, this morning, on my morning commute via the regional bus system, I was in the unfortunate position of actually having to sit next to a stranger. Now, I know that some people say they never sit next to a stranger for more than a minute because it should never take more than 60 seconds to get to know someone, but that isn't exactly my motto.

Getting back to the issue, I had to decide who to sit next to. Since my past experiences have told me that men on the bus tend to smell worse than women on the bus, I went with a sort-of-semi-professional-looking middle aged woman. I thought she was a safe bet because she wasn't overweight (so he wouldn't overlap onto my seat), she wasn't talking to herself, and she was reading something (literacy is usually a good sign).

Boy was I surprised when I sat down. It only took a few seconds to realize that she smelt like spaghetti! Not just a hint, but like she bathed in it that morning. I'm not sure how someone pulls that off, but had some serious spaghetti stink on. Do you know what it does to someone to smell spaggeti that early in the morning? That bus ride was one of the longest ones of MY LIFE!!!

So, my thought-provoking question to you, my loyal readers is Have you ever left the house smelling like spagettti? Not only that, but what do you think stinking like spaghhetti teaches us about who we really are, and what our relationship is with the universe? After all, it take a village to raise a baby, but it only takes one spageti stinker to make the others wish they would have been ostracized from the village years ago for crossing the state line to dance to "rock/n/roll" music.

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't

I wonder how many people have this tattooed on their bootie, ankle, or in a big heart on their bicep (where it used to say MOM). I guess those of you who had MOM tattooed on your big ol' bicep started to fell silly about it when people teased you about being a momma's boy or momma's girl, but don't worry, I won't tease you.

How many of you have seen the famous octopimpy tattoo? I can't believe that our friends at google don't have it indexed yet. How are they going to take over the world if they don't even have a picture of octopimpy? The best I could find was this (when searching for octopimp):
I don't know about you, but that doesn't look pimpy at all to me. That looks like octo-barbeque-skewer-through-your-head-y. I hope no one has that tattooed on the small of their back. About the only cool thing about that picture is that the octopus has 8 legs. Everything else is pretty much kindergarten work.

I wonder if Suri Cruise will be getting a tattoo like this one??? Ha, Ha, Ha, ha, ha.

This is a bumpus test.

I can't help but try this. I just checked to see what the top searches are for on technorati. Here they are:
Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11.

So, here is my experiment. If I write these terms over and over will my blog be an overnight success? Let's see: Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11.

Okay. I'll update tomorrow with how many people searched for these "top terms". If anyone reads this who was looking for an insightful composition on the beauty of Suri Cruise, feel free to leave me a rant in the comments. You won't find anything about Suri Cruise here, and you definitely won't find any insightful compositions here. If you want those, then just hit the next blog button and get off my turf.

I'm Official

Do you remember when you were in 6th grade and you had to do all those fitness tests? If you did well, then you got a certificate with the president's seel on it? Well, that was to tell you that your certificate was official, or in other words, that the president was up late the night before pasting seels onto certificates for 50,000 6th graders across the country. Back then, presidents sure did know how to serve the people. These days, I can't even get the prez to answer my emails.

Anyway, I thought that I should tell you that I'm official because I got a seal today for my blogging homepage. This is huge. It's not like these things grow on trees. I'm not sure which president of which country was up all night making this, but I sure do appreciate it. Anyway, here it is:

The observant among you will notice the initials F.O.E. on the bird's scrooll. Do you know what that means? I wasn't exactly sure, so I googled it and found out that it means lots of things, like:

1. Friends of Earth
2. Fraternal Order of Eagles
3. Fight the Obesity Epidemic
4. Friends Or Enemies

So, let's see, which one of these do I want? #4 just sounds confused. #3 is too controversial. I mean, a lot of people don't want to fight obesity so I might lose some friends if I take a hard stand against it. #2 is cool because eagles are cool, but I'm not even sure that that bird is an eagel. So, I guess that leaves me with good ol' #1. This is the best option because I'm often told that I'm #1. I'm often first in long lines and I am the first to read my new posts.

There you have it. It's official: I'm number 1!!!!

Yep, I'm a Sidekick!

You Are 100% Psychic

You are so very psychic. But you already predicted that, didn't you? You have "the gift" - and you use it daily to connect with others. You're very tapped into the world around you... Just make sure to use your powers for good!

Are You Psychic?

In fact, I'm so freaking psyched that I could jump into a cold lake right now and not even feel it at all (except that it's hard to find cold lakes in the summer). I'm so psyched that I could play air guitar standing on my head (and probably will).

I promise though, as cautioned above, to only use my psychiness for good(!). I will use it to connect with others and to tap into the world around me. Sweet.

Does this mean I get to charge people like $200 an hour to listen to them complain about thier lives? I'd totally do it for less, but maybe I should charge more since I'm 100% physics and most of those "doctors" are probably more like 93%.

Thinks That Make me Frown ;(

Things that make me [:(] :

• Shopping carts hitting my car.
• The screaming trees.
• Ticketmaster surcharges.
• Fresh, new rock.
• When the free cookie bin at the grocery store is empty.
• Catching a cold the day after checking the free cookie bin at the grocery store.
• Catching a cold any day.
• Hitting the [Next Blogg>>] button and getting some kind of page in non-English.
• Not understanding non-English.
• The sounds my knees and ankles make.
• Finding out that I still snore.
• Junk mail that totally made me think that I had won a wonderful vacation or some cool gadgets, but really I get 30 free days of credit protection.
• Cyberlink's DVD player.
• Carmel truffle ice cream that has no caramel.
• Not being able to fly or breathe underwater.