iblogtobecool

What a Saab Story

2007-02-15T11:49:00.000-05:00

Take a look at this press release from our friends at Saab:

Convinced of the jet-like performance and endurance of its products, Saab Automobile USA is announcing that it will offer a free new Saab to any U.S. customer who covers the distance of one million miles (or more) in a Saab that he or she originally purchased new.

Do you realize what Saab is admitting to here? They're admitting to the fact that their reliability/longevity is so limited that it is safe proposition to replace any of their cars with a million miles on it.

Is this some sort of reverse psychology? This is like McDonalds offering a million bucks to anyone able to truthfully say (as judged by polygraph) that the best meal they've ever eaten in their life was under a pair of golden arches.

Smells like Spaghetti--NOT TEEN SPIRIT

2006-11-08T11:58:00.000-05:00

+ = BAD, BAD, BAD!!!

I never really understood the song Smells like Teen Spirit. I guess the real tragedy of that guy's suicide is that we'll never know what that song was supposed to mean.

Anyway, this morning, on my morning commute via the regional bus system, I was in the unfortunate position of actually having to sit next to a stranger. Now, I know that some people say they never sit next to a stranger for more than a minute because it should never take more than 60 seconds to get to know someone, but that isn't exactly my motto.

Getting back to the issue, I had to decide who to sit next to. Since my past experiences have told me that men on the bus tend to smell worse than women on the bus, I went with a sort-of-semi-professional-looking middle aged woman. I thought she was a safe bet because she wasn't overweight (so he wouldn't overlap onto my seat), she wasn't talking to herself, and she was reading something (literacy is usually a good sign).

Boy was I surprised when I sat down. It only took a few seconds to realize that she smelt like spaghetti! Not just a hint, but like she bathed in it that morning. I'm not sure how someone pulls that off, but had some serious spaghetti stink on. Do you know what it does to someone to smell spaggeti that early in the morning? That bus ride was one of the longest ones of MY LIFE!!!

So, my thought-provoking question to you, my loyal readers is Have you ever left the house smelling like spagettti? Not only that, but what do you think stinking like spaghhetti teaches us about who we really are, and what our relationship is with the universe? After all, it take a village to raise a baby, but it only takes one spageti stinker to make the others wish they would have been ostracized from the village years ago for crossing the state line to dance to "rock/n/roll" music.

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't

2006-09-07T20:35:00.000-04:00

I wonder how many people have this tattooed on their bootie, ankle, or in a big heart on their bicep (where it used to say MOM). I guess those of you who had MOM tattooed on your big ol' bicep started to fell silly about it when people teased you about being a momma's boy or momma's girl, but don't worry, I won't tease you.

How many of you have seen the famous octopimpy tattoo? I can't believe that our friends at google don't have it indexed yet. How are they going to take over the world if they don't even have a picture of octopimpy? The best I could find was this (when searching for octopimp):
I don't know about you, but that doesn't look pimpy at all to me. That looks like octo-barbeque-skewer-through-your-head-y. I hope no one has that tattooed on the small of their back. About the only cool thing about that picture is that the octopus has 8 legs. Everything else is pretty much kindergarten work.

I wonder if Suri Cruise will be getting a tattoo like this one??? Ha, Ha, Ha, ha, ha.

This is a bumpus test.

2006-09-07T20:21:00.000-04:00

I can't help but try this. I just checked to see what the top searches are for on technorati. Here they are:
Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11.

So, here is my experiment. If I write these terms over and over will my blog be an overnight success? Let's see: Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11, Steve Irwin, Facebook, Kampusch, Suri Cruise, Pinky, Path to 9/11.

Okay. I'll update tomorrow with how many people searched for these "top terms". If anyone reads this who was looking for an insightful composition on the beauty of Suri Cruise, feel free to leave me a rant in the comments. You won't find anything about Suri Cruise here, and you definitely won't find any insightful compositions here. If you want those, then just hit the next blog button and get off my turf.

I'm Official

2006-09-01T14:03:00.000-04:00

Do you remember when you were in 6th grade and you had to do all those fitness tests? If you did well, then you got a certificate with the president's seel on it? Well, that was to tell you that your certificate was official, or in other words, that the president was up late the night before pasting seels onto certificates for 50,000 6th graders across the country. Back then, presidents sure did know how to serve the people. These days, I can't even get the prez to answer my emails.

Anyway, I thought that I should tell you that I'm official because I got a seal today for my blogging homepage. This is huge. It's not like these things grow on trees. I'm not sure which president of which country was up all night making this, but I sure do appreciate it. Anyway, here it is:

The observant among you will notice the initials F.O.E. on the bird's scrooll. Do you know what that means? I wasn't exactly sure, so I googled it and found out that it means lots of things, like:

Friends of Earth
Fraternal Order of Eagles
Fight the Obesity Epidemic
Friends Or Enemies

So, let's see, which one of these do I want? #4 just sounds confused. #3 is too controversial. I mean, a lot of people don't want to fight obesity so I might lose some friends if I take a hard stand against it. #2 is cool because eagles are cool, but I'm not even sure that that bird is an eagel. So, I guess that leaves me with good ol' #1. This is the best option because I'm often told that I'm #1. I'm often first in long lines and I am the first to read my new posts.

There you have it. It's official: I'm number 1!!!!

Yep, I'm a Sidekick!

2006-08-30T13:21:00.000-04:00

You Are 100% Psychic

You are so very psychic.
But you already predicted that, didn't you?
You have "the gift" - and you use it daily to connect with others.
You're very tapped into the world around you...
Just make sure to use your powers for good!

Are You Psychic?

In fact, I'm so freaking psyched that I could jump into a cold lake right now and not even feel it at all (except that it's hard to find cold lakes in the summer). I'm so psyched that I could play air guitar standing on my head (and probably will).

I promise though, as cautioned above, to only use my psychiness for good(!). I will use it to connect with others and to tap into the world around me. Sweet.

Does this mean I get to charge people like $200 an hour to listen to them complain about thier lives? I'd totally do it for less, but maybe I should charge more since I'm 100% physics and most of those "doctors" are probably more like 93%.

Thinks That Make me Frown ;(

2006-08-30T12:59:00.000-04:00

Things that make me [:(] :

Shopping carts hitting my car.
The screaming trees.
Ticketmaster surcharges.
Fresh, new rock.
When the free cookie bin at the grocery store is empty.
Catching a cold the day after checking the free cookie bin at the grocery store.
Catching a cold any day.
Hitting the [Next Blogg>>] button and getting some kind of page in non-English.
Not understanding non-English.
The sounds my knees and ankles make.
Finding out that I still snore.
Junk mail that totally made me think that I had won a wonderful vacation or some cool gadgets, but really I get 30 free days of credit protection.
Cyberlink's DVD player.
Carmel truffle ice cream that has no caramel.
Not being able to fly or breathe underwater.

Am I a Blogger?

2006-08-25T09:58:00.000-04:00

That [Next Blogg>>] button is too tempting. Today, I was sent to "Am I a blogger?"

I think that's a great questions that each of us has to ask someone sometimes (including ourselves right now).

The answer to that questions probably takes about 5, 000 words. Using Google's currency converter, 10,000 words = 1 picutre. So, I'll "borrow" 5 pictures from "Am I a blogger?" and you can draw your own conclusions. Here we go:

Random picture of a sign about "English computers." Does that make you a blogger? No. Are you trying to make fun of the English or something? I don't get it. Brits are people too.

Picture of cool-a$$ bus. Does that make you a blogger? Yes, especially if you rode on it.

Picture of down-on-luck-person sleeping in park. Does that make you a blogger? Nope. If you took a movie of them dancing and put it on youtube then you'd be an overnight celeb, but work like this will get your nowhere.

Picture of super pimped out van. Does this make you a blogger? Yep. It's almost as cool as the bus you blogged earlier. But that better be your picture on the side of it.

Picture of duck/goose/swan thing. Does that make you a blogger? No way, jose! Taht's like the anti-blog.

Crappy low-light picture of who-knows what. Does that make you a blogger? Nope. Anyone can do that.

Crappy out-of-focus (OOF), low-light picture of a bus we already saw. Does that make you a blogger? Unfortunately, yes. OOF pictures are a staple of all bloggers.

Picture of laptop on your bed. Does that make you a blogger? No. That just means that you can't afford a desk. Maybe you should spend less money on random cords and get yourself a desk.

Okay, so let's tally up the votes... 5 NO and 3 YES. Sorry dude(tte), you're not getting a dell and you're not a blogger. Kindly remove your "blog" from the blogging solar system. If we dont' have room in our blogging hearts for Pluto, then we don't have room for you either.

Cliches (klishayz) that make me smile

2006-08-25T09:45:00.000-04:00

If it's wrong to read iblogtobecool, then I don't want to be right.

Live to read iblogtobecool, read iblogtobecool to live.

Reading iblogtobecool is not a crime. Reading is a crime.

I'm not an iblogtobecool blogger, but I play one on TV (TeleVision).

iblogtobecool made me do it.

iblogtobecool: it's my anti-drug.

If these cliches have made you smile, forward them on to everyone in your address book. If you do, you will make them smile and they will have to forward them on to everyone they know. Before you know it, we will have accomplished a great thing. You're probably thinking that the great thing is that everyone in the world is smiling. Actually, the great thing is that we've crippled the Intranets!

Oh yeah, and I thought I should mention that I heard that one time someone didn't forward this after they smiled, and they got hit by a bus like 2 hours later. I don't want anyone to get hit by the bus. I just want us all to smile and to take down the WWW.

Tribute to Trogdor

2006-08-23T21:20:00.000-04:00

Hola Senor Trogdor.
You are the Burrito's Bean.
You are the Apple of my Eye.
You make me happy.
You are warm.

I know that You ARE NOT LEGOS.
I know that you are Ethereal.
I know that you are THE COLLECTIVE.
I know that you burninate ALL who cross you.
I know that you speak Spanish.

Your 53CR3T5 AR3 safe with M3.
(La La, Lo Lo, La) x 3

Have You Had Your ASCII for TOday???

2006-08-21T14:50:00.000-04:00

this post has to be in courier because default font is no good for ASCII art.
when you look at these two pears, which one looks realer? easy question, right? okay, now try this. get your face really close to the screen and go cross-eyed until the two pears merge into one.

then, close your eyes and push on them lightly (NOTE: DO THIS AT YOUR OWN RISK. DON'T BLAME ME WHEN YOU GO POKING YOUR EYEBALLS OUT AND GO BLIND JUST TO BE COOL). OKAY, when you poke your eyes (LIGHLYT), you should see the pear in 3-D, but it might be different colors. See, that's why ASCII art is so dang cool.

If that doesn't convince you, then try this one out:

Pretty cool, right? Believe it or not, that stallion is made of simple characters! You can't really tell it in this version because it's like a copy of a copy of a copy. It's like your little sister's MP3 files that have been resampled so many times that they all sound the same (or is that just because you're getting old and all that "rock'n'roll" sounds the same to you). Anyway, here's my ascii art contribution of the day:

???????????????????       ???????????????????????????         ?????????????????????????????????         ?????
?????????????           ??????                              ??????           ???????????????           ??????????????????????? ?????????????????????                             ????>>>>>>>>> >>>            >>>>>>>>>>>>>>            >>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>                                 >>>>>>>>>>>         >>>                  >>>>>>>>>>>>>         >>>>>> >>>>>>>>> <<<<<<<                               <<<<<<<<<                    <<<<<<<<<          <<<<<<<<<<<< <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<                                 >>>>>>                       >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
<<<<<<<<<         <<<<<<<<<<<<                                                      <<<<<<<<<<<>>>>             >>>>>>>>>  //////////           ///// ////////////////////////////// ///////////////////// /////         ///////// // //////////////// ////////////      ///////////////DS
IOJDFI    L;ASDFO     ;IASDFL;IJASDFO;IAS                   DFLJAOSDFAL;         SDFJO;L     KJAFSDOIF              UWELKRJAWE
RUIWEO       FJI;;ASELIF;JWEIO       JWEF***********************  **********     *******************
**********        **************          **********  ***************  ***************************<<<<<<
<<<<<<<<<<<<   <<<<<<<      <<<<    <<<<<<<<<<<<                         <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<  <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
<<<<<<<<<<<<<            <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<                <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

cAN you see it? Hint: you might have to go crosseyed and then push on your eyeballs a little bit for best effect. Your monitor might not be good enough to see it either. Please note, this image is copywrtten by yours truly, pro_blogger. If you want to use it for your own stuff then you'll have to send me some serious coin or make your own.

iTube, YouTube, We All Scream for Ice Cream!!!

2006-08-18T11:00:00.000-04:00

Mmmm... doesn't that look good? Don't even think about licking your screen (it doesn't work).

When I was a kid, we used to scream the Ice Cream/I Scream song in the back of our orange Chevy stationwagon as Mom drove us around town. Sometimes my mom remembers that car as being brown, but I remember it as orange. I guess it was probably old enough that the brown faded to orange by the time I was old enough to remember anything at all.

The point I'm trying to make is that back in the late 90s, everyone put an "i" in front of their company name so they could become overnight millionaires. It might have started with the iMac (those guys at Apple are always the trendsetters--except they never did convince the rest of the computer world to give up the second mouse button, did they?). Next thing you know, there's the website iWon (I never won a darn thing from them, but every morning I shot out of bed to see if I had been that day's lucky $10,000 winner).

Amidst the I-craze was the E-craze. If one vowel works, then why not another? So, we got Emachines, and E-commerce, and E-mail, and just about e-everything else you could e-imagine.

Well, we've come a long way (baby) since then. Now we have YouTube (they should have called it Utube). It's no longer about me (like MySpace and MyYahoo and MyEbay), it's all about YOU! Doesn't that make YOU feel special? Well, it makes about 10 bazillion people each day feel special as they watch crazy boring lipsyncs of crazy bad songs instead of doing... ummm... whatever they're supposed to be doing (like walking their dog, or typing an essay, or baking muffins).

So, really this blog is kind of a retro-blog (kind of like one of the older planets of the blog-o-solar-system) since it starts with an "i." If I wanted to be soooo 2006, I should have started it with a U or a You. And if anyone out there is anxious to start tomorrow's blog, I'd suggest you start with V, W, X, Y, or Z. That'll keep you one step ahead of 'em. After that, I think we have to switch to greek alphabets, in which case only fratties and sratties will know what the heck is going on.

Anyway, I sure could go for a big scoop of Zcream right now. Iwill have to make myway over to Eben and Ijerry's as soon as Ican.

6 Monkeys on My Back

2006-08-16T14:53:00.001-04:00

What do you get when you give 6 monkeys a blogspot account?

Easy answer:

The story of six monkeys (today's featured monkeys are jeremy, lucas, tim, chong, long, and choon). Unlike yesterday's SWEDES, these guys (or at least the one that knows how to type) have lots of deep things on their minds like this:

The guy didn't really dare to do anything because the gay is strong you see. Didn't want anymore trouble. Met up with the Jeremy and Darren at Tampines.

What? Doesn't make any sense to you? What about this one:

How many times people see a bright future ahead of them, but only to realise that it was all wishful thinking or daydreaming? Mere talking won't make you successful. I mean if that is true, i guess everyone would be as successful, isn't it? We just have to create our own future.

Is this guy dissing on daydreaming? Is he saying that my wishful thinking won't come true? Sure, we have to "create our own future," but doesn't that start with a dream? Didn't Christopher Colombus (Columbo) dream of meeting the Indians and teaching them about having Thanksgiving long before he ever set sail? I mean, come on!!!

But, really this blog is great because it's all about learning and expanding one's horizons. For instance, did you know you can take a picture of yourself in the mirror? Here's proof:
I always thought that if you took your picture in the mirror then the mirror captured your sole, and then the mirror would spin through space like it did with those baddies in those SuperMan movies. Remember those guys wearing aluminium foil clothes spinning around in space? I bet they got so dizzzy.

Anyway, I hope this guy get things figured out (in other words that he figures out that daydreaming will get you whatever you want in life, including a ferrari and lots of $$$). I have to give him (and his monkey buddies) ultra mad props for his choice of URL:

onmywaytobest-fection.blogspot.com

I have to admit that I don't exactly know where best-fection is, or what bus takes me there, but I hope to cross paths with these guys again on my way there.

Swedes in Da House

2006-08-16T10:21:00.000-04:00

This blog-o-solar-system is turning out to be crazy cool. Just today, I hit that amazing [NEXT BLOG>>] button at the top of my blog (I was just checking it out to see how cool it is), and guess what I found!

Yep, I found some Swedes. The blog is called Livets diverse, which I can only assume is the name of that blogger's cat. I wonder if she de-clawed her cat because a lot of people consider that inhumane (shouldn't it be infeline? after all a cat isn't a human.). But, Swedes are thought of as pretty progressive people, so I bet that blogger did NOT de-claw her cat or anyone else's.

If you're afraid to follow that link, here's a sample of what you're missing out on:

I don't know a lick of Sweedish, but I know cool when I see it (that's why I spend so much time checking out my website). So, if you guys know Swedish, you should tell me what that crazy cool website says. I think that part of it has to do with the latest technology trends (like the calcu-watch) or maybe watch repair (like the broken calcu-watch). Maybe Alan Alda has changed his name to Rhythm and he's becoming a dancer? I don't know, but that sounds good to me!

First Post!!!

2006-08-15T16:10:00.000-04:00

So, how do you like my new digs?

I bet you've never seen a blog with this layout have yoU? I'm pretty sure it's one of the rarer (is that even a word?!?) ones in the blogger solar system. did you know that "they" are arguing over what a planet is still? How long have we known about planets and they can't even decide if one of the planets is a planet. Well, this blog is kind of like a planet in the solar system of blogs. Except, "they" will never take away my planet status because I'm here to stay and I'm not going anywhere.

So, I thought I should start out with an introduction. I can't give you my name because I saw that program on Dateline that talked about stalkers on myspace and the internet, and I don't want to get stalked. Instead, this website is going to be kind of like a game where I write all sorts of things about myself, and you guys (and girls) try to figure out who I am. It's kind of like this poor old lady that got totally screwed over by AOL.

I'm not saying that I'm a lady (I'm not), or that I'm poor (poor is relative anyway). I'm just saying that AOL is not for me and they don't even let dead people unsubscribe from their service.

Anyway, the point here is not that AOL sucks and I'm not going to write about that ever again (promise). Really, the point of this blog is to describe my journey through the rest of the blog solar system. Some people call it the blogosphere, but I haven't read anything suggesting that it's a sphere, so I'm sticking with my solar system analogy. So, I'm like the mars rover thing, except that I'm human and I go to more planets than just mars. Mmmkay? Mmmkay.

So much for my introduction. Tomorrow I'll have my FIRST REAL POST!!! (unless my boss catches me doing this at work).